G.I.Joe: Rise of Cobra

.I just saw the movie G.I.Joe: Rise of Cobra, and here are by initial thoughts.



First of all, although I'm a girl, I grew up watching the original G.I.Joe animated series, and nostalgia is the only reason why I went to see this. I used to be a hardcore fan, so I have all the action figures and own the DVD of the series.


Anyways, here it goes.


Comparing to a lot of other pigshit Hollywood makes today, the story isn't that bad. Actually it sounds quite promising. It offers a lot of opportunities for awesome action scenes, and it's pretty straightforward for a wider audience to understand. The only problem is, it's not awesome. There are so many pointless action sequences that are thrown into so many random time slots. It's obviously "the Joe's beating the shit out of the Cobras" that we wanted in the first place, but they aren't so kick-ass.

The character development was kind of disappointing. I mean, the characters are so bland. All their lines are just countless catch phrases, and they don't mean anything. And I know a lot of dudes out there who are just hyped up to see Sienna Miller play the Baroness, but aside from her hot, skintight-leather-jumpsuit figure, she doesn't have that much to offer. The only cool characters I remeber from this movie are Storm Shadow, and that friend of Duke's whom I can't even remember the name of. Although Storm Shadow is working for Cobra, he kicks so much ass that I eventually ended up rooting for him.


Now, the biggest problem I have with this movie is the computer graphics. If you saw this movie, you probably know what I mean. It doesn't take a genius to look at this movie and realize the graphics were indeed horrible. Everything looks so artificial, synthetic, and green-screen-ish. The graphics don't enhance the movie, they just downgrade it. Especially at the ending, the graphics go totally nuts. Every single bit of the screen is emphasized, there is something constantly moving, but ultimately, there is no focus. It just looks like a big mess, and your eyes get tired after watching so many poorly computer generated shit blow up.

Finally, and I know this is just plain nitpicking, the title is sort of weird. It's called G.I.Joe: The Rise of Cobra, and Cobra's in it for like 30 seconds and he doesn't do anything. Well, before he turns into Commander Cobra, he's this weird demented soldier who was just fascinated by nanotechnology. But, whatever, it who the hell cares?


Overall, as a movie, G.I.Joe: The Rise of Cobra was barely passable, but still a bit enjoyable. If you watched the original animated series, this movie definitely brings back the nostalgia. I'm curious to see the Spill crew do a review on this movie, but if were to rate this movie, I'd give it a low rental, but just barely above Bullshit. Sure, it was pretty bad, but not as horrible as some other movies I've seen in my life. I plead you to not see this movie, but I know you won't listen, so where's the point of asking? :-P
 

Also, there's one shocker: the creepy doctor is played by Joseph Gordon-Levitt. You know, the guy from 500 Days of Summer? The guy who was nominated for a Golden Globes for his awesome performance? Personally, I was kinda shocked to hear that cuz the doctor was one of the least-favorite, over-acted characters in this movie. I guess the actor just gave up after reading the script.